Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
