new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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