also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
