R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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