I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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