If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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