am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
