Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
