I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
