Kiss
Puke
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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