Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
