The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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