pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I FOUND THE LEGS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
