$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
