Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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