That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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