I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
