mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
