Your dad touched me again.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
