i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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