Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
