those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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