If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
