He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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