I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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