Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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