I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
