8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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