I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
