boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
