i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
