i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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