so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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