you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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