i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
