I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
