Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
