girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
