my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
