we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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