Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
