see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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