can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
