so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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