I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Boobs speak an international language.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
