The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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