I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
