i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
