Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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