I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just forgot I was standing up.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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