I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
