guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
