its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
