bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
