i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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