i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
