i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
