I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
