Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
