I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
