i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think i got beer on your cat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
