I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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