i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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