i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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