The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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