it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Don't make out with my wife yet
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
