Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
