Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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