Where is the hickey?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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