naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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