Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
